Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Sock Code of Conduct

Our running group is in the transition phase from Free Radicals to becoming dedicated clinicians, when our sixteen week Running Room Marathon Clinic begins next week.

In honour of Bob's committment to providing our running routes and his unparallel knowledge of sockology, I have researched and documented the "Sock Code of Conduct."

Historians acknowledge the word "sock" is derived from the Latin soccus, the Old English socc and the Middle English word socke. The Roman’s sometimes wore their soccus with sandals. This was the first recorded violation of the Sock Code of Conduct.


The Sock Code of Conduct

It is the responsibility of all runners regardless of speed, shoe, or foot size to:

  • Act within the governing document of the Sock Code of Conduct – being aware of the contents as it applies to their socks.
  • Act in the best interest of their socks as a pair – considering what is best for the sock and its longevity and avoiding bringing individual socks into disrepute.
  • Manage conflicts of interest effectively – registering, declaring and resolving conflicts of type, use, color, or function.
  • Actively prevent discrimination of socks by color, length, or brand. Respect the diversity of socks. (except toe socks, they are an abomination)
  • Never wear mismatched socks.
  • Never wear black socks with brown shoes.
  • Gentlemen, unless you are Tim Curry, never wear garters with your socks.
  • Dryers eat socks! After washing, all socks must be air-dried in a secure facility with video surveillance.
  • Respect the sock’s right to confidentiality – understanding that some socks wish to remain anonymous in their shoe
  • Have a sound and up-to-date knowledge of technical terms like wicking, compression, and anti-microbial – understand how double-layering works and the environment within which natural fiber outperforms synthetics.
  • Organize rallies against barefoot running by educating them on the errors of their ways.
  • Never gain materially or financially from your socks unless specifically authorized to do so by blatantly mongering for discounts, free samples, or by extorting brands or shamelessly promoting your affiliation upon the unsuspecting public at large. Use celebrity endorsements at your own risk.
  • Organize local Sockaholics Anonymous meetings and other events for either pronators or supinators or provide apologies for neutral runners (if you ever meet one) – consider ways of engaging with triathletes to get them onboard for all their events.
  • Avoid socksual innuendo and promote socksual healing.
  • Adopt a zero tolerance for socksual abuse.
  • Register for Bob's Sock’s Ed course.
All runners are expected to honor the content and spirit of this code.

Signed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Name . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Date . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Brilliant as always Jeff!
As discussed though, Ed the Sock is a sell out and his surface has no wicking properties. I would also advise everyone against buying socks that smoke cigars.
I do appreciate the link to "Sock Dreams". I'll be spending much time on that site! I'll have to compare it to Sockgeek.com and provide a consumer report.

Bob