April 11th is only four weeks away, leaving three Sundays of LSD training before my first half marathon.
I wish I felt better, had some confidence that my body was going to co-operate. FUD is becoming a factor in my training.
Tuesday night we watched the first half of Nova’s Marathon Challenge before out Tempo run. Almost immediately the show gets in to running injuries. A diabetic runner is lost to a stress fracture reminding me of Shelly’s injury last summer. The two of us watching the Mid-Summer’s Eve run from the sidelines.
During the tempo run, I was able to stay up front with Juliana the entire distance. My left leg hurts at the beginning of every run. I can’t diagnose exactly what’s wrong, the knee won’t stabilize, the ankle flops like I can’t find the ground. Mechanically it’s like I’m running peg-legged, throwing the leg out ahead of me and riding the forward motion. The calf and shin are both complaining. On the right side, the ankle is tight and moderately painful. It feels about the same as it did last fall when I ran the CSF 10K. No change in six months. I don’t think the right ankle is the cause of the left side instability.
I’ve been revisiting that dark room from the failed relaxation sequence with my Massage Therapist. I think I uncovered why I couldn’t find the “relaxation switch”. My worst fear is injury. I’m working so hard to reach my goals. Admitting to being injured is admitting defeat. I don’t want to hear the word rest. Take time off and recover. Not this close, not on this timeline.
I attempted to run hills last night. It’s obvious to everyone I’ve been running with that something is wrong. Marc saw it right away. I completed five hills. The clinic has been running them for three weeks. They started at four, last night was meant to be seven. I skipped the previous three weeks and either rested or cross trained. I’ve adjusted my training schedule, scaled back, listened to my body. It’s hasn’t seemed to help.
I’ve got the information for the clinician to provide laser therapy for the ankle. I haven’t called. While I’d like to get the ankle sorted out it’s the other side that has me trapped in that dark room. I don’t think that a laser treatment or two is going to address what’s going on. Fear, uncertainty, doubt, I’ve got all three.
We have a very good sports medicine clinic in town, that’s the call I’m going to make. I don’t want to hear the prognosis but I can’t continue like this. I may not be able to allay the fear, but I can resolve the uncertainty and doubt.