Monday, May 31, 2010

PMSing

I was finally able to get some running in this weekend. Our group met in Springbank Park early Saturday morning, and my early I mean 7am on a Saturday morning early. The plan was to along the multipath run to the Woo-Hoo Tunnel and back. We weren’t quite sure of the distance but that really was anyone else’s concern but mine. This was my first run since finishing the marathon almost two weeks ago.

My left shin still wasn’t feeling 100%. All the walking might have the calves feeling better but the left shin is taking its sweet time recovering.

We had a good turnout for such an early start. Getting out before the heat of the day makes sense; our long runs over the summer will be Saturday mornings at this time.

I really didn’t know what to expect on this run. I’ve been in really strange headspace the past couple of weeks. I’m sure part of it is the just being on the other side of all the training and completing my goal race. Another part of it may be all the continuous aches and pains that I’ve been dealing with. And finally, deep inside, I have to admit I’m disappointed with the result. I’m proud that I completed my first marathon, but not very happy with the way I had to finish it. All in all, the weight of getting there seems to feel burdensome at the moment.

I don’t want to turn my blogging into a continuous stream of this hurts and that hurts and I ran so far so fast.

As I mentioned, I’m in really strange headspace these past couple of weeks. In simple terms, I’m PMSing (Post Marathon Stress).

I even snapped at Victoria after our run. Mine wasn’t the greatest. It also wasn’t the worst. All V did was make a casual and generalized comment about some days are bad days, without even thinking I barked that wasn’t a bad day, and realized in seconds that it sounded “very defensive” and apologized.

I ran again on Sunday from the Running Room., bigger group, but a bit slower pace, none of us with any particular clinic. We wandered around in circles near the University and multipath. It was a fantastic day. I was still having issues with the shins and quite likely shouldn’t have been running but I did my best to keep my mouth shut and listen. As a group we were quite clustered together. Conversation flowed in front of me and behind me. Talking, running, laughing, fantastic day.

Over the two days of running, Rebecca did an amazing job of trying to turn every negative thought and emotion that came out of my mouth into something much more positive. I hadn’t realized how internalized I’d become with carrying around the weight of completing my first marathon. I’m sarcastic most of the time, that’s just me. Work has become a whole new burden. What will transpire in my professional life for the next twelve months will not be pretty. I’m know I’m stressing about it. Running was supposed to be my stress relief. Like everything I have ever done in my life, when I set myself on the task, I bury myself in it. My running instead of being an outlet has become another source of stress. I need to fix that in order to continue. Instead of focusing on how I’m going to ever qualify for Boston, I need to reassess my reasons for running. Find some neutral middle ground and get back to making running more enjoyable again.

I have an incredible support system of people around me. My objective is to reassess my priorities and do a better job of defining my goals and managing my expectations. Somewhere in all of this navel gazing the fun should return.

I need something tangible on the calendar , October seems so far away, but today I can save myself some money, so I’ve registered for the Reach the Beach 5K in August, my secret event in September, and last but not least, the Toronto GoodLife Marathon in October.

Getting over the down feeling will take some time, I know that. Knowing doesn’t make it any easier. Life’s like that. Meh.

No comments: