Monday, October 1, 2012

Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt

I’ve attempted three marathons.

Being somewhat naïve, I thought my first one was going to be epic despite my GPS watch failure before the start.  I had a plan, and training and everything was executing well except a rather warm day and my calves locking up.   Still, I persevered and finished a bit frustrated but smiling.

For my second attempt, I was prepared and psyched and ready to go. I was rocking right up to the 19km mark and my calves went again. Still, I persevered and finished really, really frustrated and trying to smile.

My last attempt wasn’t really and attempt but an event.  I ran slow, enjoyed the scenery.  Took pictures and had fun.  I didn’t cramp, not even running a half marathon the day before caused any problems. 

Then I crashed in the spring of 2011, perhaps from over training, or mental fatigue.  Not sure.  I pulled out of a second attempt at the GoodLife Marathon when it moved to the spring.  I managed a PB in the Half Marathon but still had issues with my calves at 19km and didn’t feel like I finished as strongly as I could have. 
My focus for the rest of 2011 changed.  No long distances, I was mentored by an elite runner.  I trained with a triathlon club and completed my first duathlon that Fall.  And I pulled out of the Road to Hope Half Marathon in November.  My feet hurt, they were really bad when I competed at Lakeside and didn’t get better through October.

It’s been a long slow road back, both literally and figuratively.

But I’m back, along with my marathon baggage.  My three amigos - Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt. 

I’ve decided enter the Road to Hope Marathon on November 4th.  It seems kind of appropriate to be hopeful.  More appropriately, I think I’m grateful. 

  • Grateful to be healthy once again.
  • Grateful to be surrounded by supportive family and friends.
  • Grateful for the time I’ve had training to reflect on what’s important in my life.

I don’t need to run another marathon, I want to run one.  I want to prove to myself that I am capable of qualifying for Boston.  I believe that I can and will run a Boston Marathon.

But this is not my qualifier.  Not this time, this time I have a different mission.   This time I want to conquer Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt. 


P1t0 said...

Sometimes conquering Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt is harder than the marathon itself. But makes it more rewarding.

Good luck!

JJ said...

I can totally relate, the same thing happens when you come off an injury. It's always difficult to get back the confidence.